I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
