I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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