I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
