apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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