Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
