News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Boobs speak an international language.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
