Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
