fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
