i dedicated my morning wood to you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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