I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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