He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
