can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
