Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
