Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
