dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
