At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
