is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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