you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
