We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
