Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
