also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish you could order shots online.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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