i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
