ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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