Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
