I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
