Clothes are such an inconvenience.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize