I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
