My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
