I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
