Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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