You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
