You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
