I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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