we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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