it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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