Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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