I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
