If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
