i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
