I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I have post one night stand depression
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