I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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