Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
