sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
