Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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