I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
be right there i have to get my cape
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
