i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
