we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
