Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
