you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
