why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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