i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
