it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
