I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
