All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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