That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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