That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
