so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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