apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
