Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
