I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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