I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
