2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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