he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
