my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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