Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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