:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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