Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
