he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
