so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
