would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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