she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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