Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize