I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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