Plan B is the new Plan A
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
