I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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