Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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