2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
